“Don’t judge, don’t judge!” That’s how the ride started when I picked up two thirty-something-year-old women in the gritty, industrial-wasteland, home-to-all-tech-startups, south of market district of San Francisco. This is a fairly common occurrence on any Sunday morning in the city. The infamous walk of shame where passengers will lower their heads, filled with echoes of church teachings or, alternatively, tell you in explicit detail of the previous evening’s exploits (yes, this does happen with an impressive frequency)
Civilization and Its Discontents
Back to our two friends: Tammy, whose account was connected to the ride, and her friend Michelle. Tammy, whose fire-red hair spilled messily over her face, smeared with yesterday’s mascara, recapped her night of drunken debauchery. On their way to brunch, they started already discussing, with a gloomy tone, their very different work lives. Makes you wonder why so many of us don’t feel authentic at work. Who we are inside and outside of the office is typically quite different.
At any rate, the two stars of our story had met a gentleman who was intriguing enough for them to have gone back to his flat and “double team him.” Sounds like what some would consider a win-win-win kind of situation.
Sex Positive? Shame versus Glory!
With the Dore Alley Street Festival (perhaps San Francisco’s most sex-positive street fair) coming up this weekend, I reflected on why some of us call this march en mass from the bedroom to the street the “walk of shame.” What’s so shameful about sex between consenting adults? I’d like to re-coin the walk of shame to the walk of glory.
Proselytizing Passenger and Self Esteem Issues
Previously this year I picked up a passenger, in the early afternoon, from the Pacific Heights district. Coming into the vehicle she must have sensed I was a bit distressed. She asked me how I was and if everything was okay. Now, 95% of passengers divulge to me what many would consider very private aspects of their lives. Is it because I tend to be warm and pretty nonjudgmental? Is it the anonymity of the rideshare driver/passenger experience? Perhaps a combination? For once, I decided to share that I was having some really deep feelings for a polyamorous guy in an open relationship. Her immediate response was, “oh, you have really low self-esteem.” What, excuse me?!
We continued our awkward conversation as I drove her to Twitter headquarters to start her workday. She stated that anyone in an open relationship hates themselves and thinks very lowly of their own self-worth. I asked her, “is monogamy for everyone?” She replied, “yes, absolutely!” I answered, “I believe that two consenting adults should define their relationship.” She paused. There was silence. She said, “monogamy is natural for everyone.” I said, “I’m gay and there are many that say the same about heterosexuality and I don’t buy it.” Her reply? “I think you should go to my church.” What?!!! I asked her why. She had to think about this. She replied, “because you’ll like it.”
After this ride, I turned to Facebook (AKA triggerbook) and went on a similar rant that I am about to go on now. Very simply, let’s get out of each other’s bedrooms; let’s get out each other’s places of worship; save the judgement and let people choose for themselves.
Hope to see you at Dore.